Handwriting, Hair, and her Diary
by PrettyLittleMonster
Summary: "One minute she had been perfectly happy, Melody Pond, and now... she had no idea who she was anymore." In which Melody has to become River Song, even if she isn't quite ready.


**(Author's Note: I have this headcannon that when Timelords regenerate, their handwriting changes, so this happened. It's set just after Melody/River is dropped off at the hospital after Berlin.**

**Standard disclaimers apply. I own nothing but my own imagination.)**

Melody's handwriting was different. She hadn't realized that would change with regeneration. How strange. The only other time she'd ever regenerated, she was so young that she couldn't even read, let alone write. So when she went to write down what she remembered of her first encounter with the Doctor, she was surprised to find that her handwriting had changed.

It used to be so pretty, her letters loopy and scrolling across the page. It was beautiful. Melody had loved her old handwriting; it was a funny thing to love, but she had. Now... now the letters were short and straight and disconnected. They didn't flow together like they used to.

Melody hated it. She tried to write the way she did before, but it looked awkward and forced._ This isn't how Melody Pond writes,_ she thought, tears starting to form in her eyes. It was a silly thing to cry over, she knew, it was stupid, but she didn't care.

She threw her pen across the room and slammed the diary back on the table. She knew she was acting childish, but it wasn't like anyone was there to see her. She drew her knees up to her chest and cried. Her parents and the Doctor had just left her. After everything that happened in Berlin, they'd abandoned her in this little hospital room, with nothing but a diary, a business card for some professor at a university, and a very brief note. She'd read that note so many times since she'd woken up, she nearly had it memorized.

_"My dear,_

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could be here when you wake up, but I can't. Timestreams, you know? Or maybe you don't, but you will very soon. Anyway, what matters now is that you be very very careful about what you say to me. For a while, I'll know just about everything you do, more even, but soon, you'll know things I won't. Just be careful. You'll understand soon enough. Until then, you'll need this diary. Write in it every time we synch up so we can keep track. And above all else, just remember that I love you, and so do your mum and dad. We all love you even if we can't or don't show it._

_Regards,  
The Doctor"_

Melody pushed the note out of her mind and glared at the little blue book._ Well, River did,_ she thought mournfully. This was all so confusing! One minute she had been perfectly happy, Melody Pond, and now... she had no idea who she was anymore.

The Doctor had talked about a woman named River Song, and the Teselector-that damned Teselector-had shown her who that was. River Song was her.

Melody got out of her hospital bed stood shakily in front of a small mirror that hung above the sink in the corner.

"River Song. I'm River Song now," she whispered to herself, testing out the unfamiliar title. She tried to sound confident, but it came out scared and uncertain. She combed her fingers through her new springy curls, and smiled bravely through her tears.

The Doctor had respected River Song. He had praised her. He had practically fawned over her. Melody decided then and there that she would be the River he seemed so enamored with.

She looked at her reflection for just a moment longer, wiped the tears from her face, and picked up the little blue book from her bedside table determinedly. _Okay,_ she thought,_ you can do this._ The newly christened River Song picked up her pen and etched her name into the first page of the diary. It looked... foreign. She missed the lovely, curly letters that formed the word Melody, but she wasn't Melody anymore. She couldn't be Melody. River took a deep breath and began to write every detail about Berlin, from the moment they arrived, to her regeneration, to murdering the Doctor, to using up the rest of her regeneration cycle to save the Doctor.

That bloody Doctor. He had all these rules, and he knew everything about her, and he told her he loved her, and then he left her here, alone in a hospital. She'd been conditioned to kill him. Things probably would have been much simpler if she had, but no, she had to go and save him, didn't she? River knew that at some point in her future she would be glad, but right now she was just confused and scared. She had reason to believe that feeling wouldn't go away for quite some time. The best thing she could do right now was to write it down and get everything sorted out in her head. After all, she'd gone through all the trouble of locating a pen (they were nothing if not scarce here in the 52nd century), she might as well get some use out of it.

She wrote down everything about her meeting with the Doctor, as well as everything she could remember about her terrifying childhood (which wasn't much), and growing up with her parents, and anything else she could think of. This diary would be her lifeline. It sounded like her life was about to get a lot more complicated-and that was saying something considering her less-than-conventional childhood. She was going to need some way to keep tabs on... well... everything. But at least, from what she'd heard, it was going to be worth it…

**(Thanks so much for reading, and please leave a review if you've got a minute. Also you could maybe go check out some of my other stories. Just putting that out there. **

**Much love,  
PrettyLittleMonster Xxx)**


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